Insomnia
by Darko28
Summary: As Draco lies awake, unable to sleep, he wonders about the life he used to have and the wife and child he lost along the way. Rated for thematic elements.


Disclaimer-I don't own anything. The song, "Here With Me" belongs to Dido. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
  
A/N: Hello all. This is the revamped version of a fic I posted a long while I go. Took out all the cute little spellings errors and now there's…[gasp]…spaces in between paragraphs! Anyway, it'd be great if you guys reviewed. It's nice to know what people think of my writing.  
  
_I didn't hear you leave  
I wonder how I am still hear  
I don't want to move a thing  
It might change my memory_

Sometimes at night, I hear everything. That night dances in and out of my thoughts, constantly plauging me, never resting. I can't sleep. Not anymore. I lay awake at night,staring at the ceiling, wondering, wishing, hoping. But wishes don't come true. 

She was the only one I ever really loved. More than my father, ore than my mother. She was the one who could make me feel. She opened up something I never even thought I had. My heart. I cry sometimes, thinking about her. She used to sing, oh God, she had a beautiful voice. She used to sing when she thought I couldn't hear her. She was embarrassed. She never thought she was good. If I listen, I can still hear her, feel the tune on her lips. If I listen.  
  
_Oh I am what I am  
I'll do what I want  
But I can't hide  
I won't sleep, I can't breathe  
Until you're resting here with me_  
  
I toss and turn in the bed, our bed. It feels so cold now. No matter how many balnkets I pile on myself, it's always so cold. I remember her skin was so warm, so bright. I loved her. She was the only one that loved me.   
And then, two little girls. Twins, the doctor told me. But the mother, she wasn't doing well. I was crushed. She couldn't die. Not after everything. I cried, wishing, hoping, praying. She survived, barely, enough to see her little girls. I name them for her, she was so weak, so tired. Isobel and Ivy. Izzy, with her mother's fiery red hair and my cold gray eyes, the ones she saw past. Ivy with thick blonde hair and her mother's creamy brown eyes, filled with wonder and excitement.  
  
_I don't want to call my friends  
They might wake me from this dream  
And I can't leave this bed  
and risk forgetting all that's been  
_  
Everything was fine, until the rumors started. Whispers of something that was coming. I had turned my back on my family, and now, my past was coming back. Haunting me. I drifted away, not really there. I secluded myself. Father offered to help me. He would be forgiving, he promised. I hesitated. All I wanted was for the three of them to be safe. I couldn't even see what the right thing was anymore. But I said no. I said no.

She tried to reach me, bring me back down, bt I was to fargone. I was too busy at work, tying to stop what had already begun and would never stop. I was barely home anymore and it killed her. She screamed at me, I never saw my dughters anymore. I said nothing, lost in my own little world, trying to find protection for the only ones I loved.  
I wasn't home when it happened. It was late when I came home. I walked inside, where there was no light. I expected to find her in bed, waiting for me. Izzy was gone, staying with her grandparents. She had been sick, catching everything that came her way. They took her to the doctor while she stayed home with Ivy.  
I walked into the dark living room, flicking on a light as I went. As I turned, I saw what I will never forget. It is burned onto my memory, always seeing. There is nothing I can do to stop it. I broke down and cried. There was nothing i could do. They were gone forever, in different ways. All I had tried to do was worth nothing. I had lost everything. Almost everything.  
  
_Oh I am what I am  
I'll do what I want  
But I can't hide  
I won't go  
I can't sleep, I can't breath  
Until you're resting here with me_

When I can't sleep, I go to the graveyard. When I was a child, I used to be frightened of what was hiding behind the gravestones. When I was sixteen, my mother died. I never went with my father to go see her. Not that he went often. He had to keep up appearence; that's what a Malfoy does, he always used to say.  
But now...now I know that the only things that hide behind the gravestones are anger, and grief, and sadness, and most of all guilt. I've felt all of them. I'vetried to battle the demons I thought I'd left behind, but when I think they're gone, they come back again.

So I come here. To face them. The graveyard, where everything precious in life eventually comes. I carry two roses. One red, one white. One for each. Their is only one gave. I trace my fingerso veer the deep stone ingravings, wondering, wishing, hoping. But wishing never works. I throw down the roses. The wind sweeps them away as I turn, walking away. The white rose for the child I lost, the red for her mother, with her fiery red hair, lost somewhere different. Lost in her mind at St. Mungoes, where she can't remember my face. Where she can't remember the only daughter she has left. I go back, leaving the grave behind me.  
  
Ivy Malfoy  
1999 - 2002  
In God rest's every soul,  
the young, old, weak, and strong.  
  
_Oh I am what I am  
I'll do what I want  
But I can't hide  
I won't go  
I won't sleep, I can't breathe  
Until you're resting here with me_  
  
Sometimes, if I try, I can feel her still beside me, sleeping. Here with me forever.


End file.
